Viagra - When Man's Best Friend Lets you Down??

There are few subjects quite so close to the male heart – or ego – as impotence. In a world where masculinity is represented not only by a man’s ability to bed a woman but also to satisfy her, failure to get a satisfactory erection is as near to annihilation of identity as the average guy is ever likely to feel.

Since ancient times when fertility rites were all the rage, men would compete in trials of strength and endurance to win the privilege of making love to the high priestess in the fields and sew the seeds of a good harvest that year. In some cases, the winning male was obliged to walk naked through the entire village with an erection all the way to demonstrate his virility.

The truth is, just about every guy experiences problems with erectile disfunction at some stage in his life and almost nothing in our culture prepares him for it. Freaked out by the sudden failure of all that he stands for, he may either fall into depression, anxiety or even blame his partner for not being attractive enough. Anything rather than concede to the fact of the matter, that man’s best friend has gone and let him down.

Of course in our modern pill-popping culture where there’s a drug for everything, men across the world heaved a huge sigh of relief when Viagra turned up. In particular for men the other side of 40, Viagra represented a new lease of sex life and the risk of cardiac failure be damned. Head to any sex tourist trap around the world – the Philippines in particular – and you’ll see Viagra sold on the street outside of the bar girl joints like candy.

In most cases of impotence, or more specifically partial impotence (i.e. the guy can get it up most of the time but not always on demand), the issues are partly physical and partly psychological. It’s all about blood circulation after all and so if the guy doesn’t get any exercise, eats loads of artery clogging fatty food and never stretches, well no surprise if his penis isn’t a champion amongst penises.

However, impotence or erectile disfunction is usually much more connected to the situation between the two lovers. The myth of an erection that is ever hard and a woman who constantly achieves multiple orgasms is something that happens only on TV. Sex is a sensitive, highly-charged experience that depends on both lovers being on the same page. Otherwise you might as well just buy an inflatable doll.

When a man fails to get a satisfactory erection his mind immediately begins to whir – will she dump his ass if he can’t get it together in the next half hour? Will it be like this next time too? Is he doomed as a lover? And damn it, where can he buy some Viagra?

What he tends not to realise is that his partner may also be freaking out – does he still love me? Is he seeing someone else? Is all that cellulite on my butt turning him off?

The greatest thing about sex is that it can lead to a place of total vulnerability and that’s the perquisite condition for intimacy. Assuming, of course, that you’re old-fashioned enough to think that sex has something to do with love in the first place. Vulnerability entails expressing all those fears and doubts, to show all your weakness and be truly naked in front of your lover and pray that they won’t crack up laughing at you and send mass emails to their friends about what a loser you are.

But if you do take that chance, magic can happen. Maybe not immediately, maybe only after some time and blossoming of trust, but once you get let down all your defenses, something may go unexpectedly up. Sex on demand is just no realistic. It needs the right mood, understanding and the right timing. Meanwhile, making love can be as simple as nuzzling your partner’s earlobe and – in some cases – a lot more fulfilling.

So the next time you or your partner panic and reach for the box of Viagra, first take the time to ask yourselves whether you really want to ignore the break in the circuit and use batteries instead. A man’s erection is frequently a thermometer for the sexual energy present and it will go up and down and up again, if you just go with the flow and open up.